Our Journey of Faith continues....

This may come as no surprise to many of you who know Me (Jess) and my health history but I have a disorder known as PCOS and it has been the leading factor in "our" (Kevin and I) quest to become pregnant and start a family.

For those of you that do not, here is a little background.

As a pre-teen I noticed that I was gaining weight faster than I should have been. I also noticed that as I was developing, that I was showing different signs of puberty than most girls my age. Without going into the gruesome details, I will simply say this: I was over-developed and under-developed at the same time. I knew something was different about me and was so grateful that I could speak with my mom about this. She agreed; something wasn't adding up. The next step was going to my pediatrician: Dr Stevenson. I thank God every day that I had an amazing pediatrician who was always learning about new disorders and continued to study about modern medicine. Without him, I would never have known that I had Poly-cystic Ovarian Disorder/Syndrome (PCOS for short). I began to understand that PCOS would affect my growth and development throughout my life.

Of course PCOS, comes with many battles but specifically for me I have the following symptoms:

1. Able to gain weight easily, extremely difficult to lose weight
2. Facial Hair, yes it's there! I try to pluck but it loves to come back
3. Acne--I was promised this would go away in my teens years but with PCOS: NOPE!
4. Low Progesterone...This was my biggest fear because it can cause infertility and cancer
5. Irregular Periods
6. Depression
7. Complete imbalance of hormones
8. Minor Hair Loss (for me)

Specifically as a teenager: while my PCOS was annoying, I never hyper-focused on it. I still had a period every month (even if I didn't know exactly), and I was relatively liked by my friends and boyfriend. Yes, I won't lie; every girl struggles with their self-esteem and inner worth; myself included. But I was a happy teenager and was excited for college and the future.

Life went on...college led to my Master's Degree, which then led to meeting my husband.

Since then, life has taken a drastic shift. I have never let my PCOS define who I was going to be or what I would do with my life, however, recently this has not been true.

Having babies, has been a dream of mine for as long as I can remember. From playing baby dolls, to making up baby names, and thinking about how many children I would have. But now, as a 30 year old wife...I can say those dreams are becoming difficult to accomplish. 

I have been seeing a naturopathic doctor, to help control my PCOS and balance my hormones. She understands where I am at physically and has been doing blood work to see my hormones levels, specifically to see how this has impacted my ability to get pregnant. Initially, my Progesterone was around a 5 which wasn't terrible but definitely needed to be increased. Then another test showed my levels were .5 (yes the . is there for a reason). Finally, my doctor decided to put my on Progesterone supplements. I have now been taking them for almost 6 months and my test results came back yesterday..... 2.3. Yes, you read that correctly 2.3. This means that it is possible the progesterone is not working like it should. I am not sure what else this could mean but I feel extremely discouraged. 

My husband and I cannot afford IVF and surrogacy. We are teachers, that just isn't really in the cards for us. Adoption, while in theory sounds incredible may be out as well, due to finances. Do you know how much adoption costs? We do...more than we make in a lifetime as teachers. So we have really been praying and working to understand the only true way to start a family is if I can get pregnant myself without "help". I know we have been receiving minor help from the naturopath for about a year and we still have a long road to go before we rule out children, but it is discouraging and scary. Mostly, for the fact that my husband and I dream every day of children, we have even named them. I have found myself crying out to God and praying diligently for my body to somehow heal itself and for Him to open my womb. I know that God can do anything and I need to simply be patient and wait on Him, it is just so hard. Some days, I feel like I have failed; but of course am always reminded that God knows every part of who I am. I have to continue to pray and believe that He will give me the desires of my heart in His time. 

I continue to rely on Jeremiah 29:11: For I know the plans I have for you...

and Psalms 62:5: Let all that I am wait quietly before God...to encourage my walk each day, especially when it is darkest. 

Please continue to pray for Kevin and I as we continue this path of creating a family and for healing and understanding!

Love you all

~Jess~

Pregnancy Challenges: Happiness and Hormones

As most of you all know, I have a disorder/syndrome known medically as Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS for short). This is a very unique disorder that affects about 10% of women currently in America (1 in 10 worldwide). I was diagnosed about 15 years ago when I noticed I was gaining weight fast and having issues with my menstrual cycles. PCOS, is still severely misunderstood by many doctors and about 50% of women are misdiagnosed with something else. Mostly, it affects my weight, facial hair growth, and can cause cysts on my ovaries. I even had surgery to remove cysts at eighteen. 

All of this information and knowledge has led up to the time knowing that if and when I decided to have children, things "could" get complicated. I have a progesterone level of 5; when the average female has a level of 20 or more. This comes with a new set of challenges with PCOS and pregnancy (mostly maintaining my progesterone levels through the first trimester). My Naturopath explained it is possible that I have already had opportunities where conception has taken place but due to the low levels, nothing stuck. Going into this first year of trying to have a baby, I was hopeful that I would not need medical help to get pregnant (not knowing that my progesterone was an issue). I was taking Metformin (which helps with insulin issues) and supplements. Finally, after a year of trying I went to an amazing Naturopath who told me about the Progesterone levels. After giving me the best news: a clean bill of health and recognizing my progesterone issue, has now put me on supplements to help with those levels. She is extremely optimistic about the future of me getting pregnant and soon! So, the next challenge I will face and am nervous about is getting pregnant and staying pregnant. However, my Doctor wants me to think positive and as soon as I get the infamous "pink line", "+" sign, or whatever the test is, I should see an OB/GYN along with her to help get me through the first 12 weeks. 

Now, some people may make judgements about me in regards to my size/weight; people have always made judgements in regards to my weight, assuming I am unhealthy, lazy, and chose to be the way that I am. I will tell you that I DID NOT choose to gain 100 pounds in 2 years, am quite active for my age, and my insides are healthier than most 18 year olds. If you have judgements, I ask you keep them to yourself because I have been Doctor approved and more importantly God approved! As I enter this new year of trying to conceive, I am reminded of the hope and possibilities God has given me. He gave me this syndrome for a reason, and as I learn more about it, I am confident that God has genuinely made me to be an extremely unique woman, size and all. As I continually pray for His help in having a family, I constantly remind myself that: ALL things are Possible THROUGH Him. 

My Naturopath/Midwife has given me a new sense of hope and renewed confidence. She reminded me that this disorder doesn't define me and that it is highly likely with these supplements, I can overcome PCOS and have the family I believe God has planned for me. I ask all my friends and family who read this, to please keep Kevin and I in your prayers. We are hopeful and making a complete lifestyle change with this disorder and new medications. Kevin has been a rock and has been learning constantly what this disorder means for us both. He never assumes or makes judgements in regards to how and why this disorder does what it does. He invests his time and love to know more and together we are becoming healthier. 

As we go into September, please know that this month is PCOS Awareness Month! I will be wearing teal to support myself and others who are facing these same struggles. I ask that you please keep my family and those who are also struggling with these issues in your thoughts and prayers.

WE LOVE YOU ALL!

Journey to the Land of Foster Care and Adoption

Many years ago, while thinking about my future family, I pictured a husband and little ones running around in a beautiful home with an enormous backyard. I saw my husband holding an adorable little boy, a little girl running about crazily in her "own selected" attire, and another beautiful child. This beautiful child would not share our genes but would share our hearts. 

Talking with my husband has also increased this feeling that "we" as a growing family were looking to expand our hearts as far as God would allow. Prayers, conversations, explanations, and many other forms of acceptance and challenges have come with making this decision.

Finally...

       The Denton family has made the astounding decision that our hearts are calling us towards foster care and adoption. Kevin and I have been praying continuously that God will give us a new baby that we can love, cherish, and train to love God will all their hearts. 

We are excited, nervous, scared, overwhelmed...I don' t think there is one emotion that truly describes what we feel as we entered this journey to potential parenthood. God makes it clear that has parents we are to truly raise our children with the desire and thirst for him. 

2 Timothy 3:14-15 directly talks about the influence of children and faith.

        

       14 But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have become convinced of, because you know those from whom you learned it, 

15 and how from infancy you have known the holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.

I want my children to experience the love of God the way I did. My mother and father raised their children to love all creatures (big and small), to give our greatest effort, and to always trust that God is in control. I truly believe that God has called the Denton Family to do the same. To extend our love and stretch is as far as the universe is wide.

We are making mini Fishers of Men. 

Kevin and I are uncertain of the gender, age, and background of the child God will gift us with but we are constantly in reflection in knowing that God will select one that is "perfect" in his eyes; for us. 

                                                       Matthew 18:4 

Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

Challenges in Marriage

Wow,

To describe an entire year of marriage into a blog...what can I truly say?! Kevin and I are truly happier than we have ever been, that is for sure. We experienced so much in this last year; some good, some bad.

I keep looking back and am trying to remember what we were doing exactly this time last year. As most of you know, we are teachers so going on a "normal" Honeymoon was out of the question. We ended up waiting and going on our Honeymoon during Spring Break. We are doing the same this year in celebrating our 1 year anniversary. We are headed back to the place we first met, the place we shared our first traveling memories, and back to the place we truly call home: Seattle, WA.

I have to say that the first year of marriage is the greatest gift and the greatest challenge. God tests your ability to live with someone else for the first time. Now, I have lived with other females and males throughout college and my first years as a teacher but I have never had to live with someone in the exact same "space" as me. Mainly I mean, my BED! I have to admit, this is the largest challenge. Anyone who knows me, knows I have about ten pillows on my bed and I have this blanket that Kevin now refers to affectionately as "Fort Knox". Basically, it is a queen size down comforter that can swallow me up and surround me in warmth. It is not something I share! He has made so many jokes about this blanket that he now has his own. We have definitely realized that after our first year of marriage, we need a bigger bed! We thought about going old school, a bed for him and a bed for me! But, he is my own personal heater, so I think I will keep him.

We have had a wonderful first year together. There are so many memories and laughs as we moved to our new home and begin sharing it more frequently with friends and family.  We had our first New Year's dinner in this house and it went exceptionally well. We have grown together, fallen in love over and over, and can say today that we are happily in love.

I will say truthfully, however, that marriage is not all roses and flowers. We have also had our struggles. There were moments this year where we questioned our ability as husband and wife. God never said marriage was an easy partnership, A woman traditionally was expected to give up her family and life back home, move in with a man and his family, and start anew. Not only does this sound challenging but on top of this, she typically didn't know the man very well before marrying him. You want to talk about challenging. I know Kevin so well and yet I still struggle to connect on certain matters with him.

This year I have found myself on my knees asking God to show me His way. I have fallen, taken twenty steps back, attempted to leap forward, and fallen on my knees back in his embrace. Being married is the greatest gift God has given me so far and while I understand it has only been 1 year, I truly believe the institution of Marriage was designed beautifully by God to embrace and challenge us.

As the Denton's move into our 2nd year of marriage, I ask for prayers and blessings. We have found each other through all the darkness and discouragement of this world. We have fought through this darkness, to continually find the light. We have challenged each other to be better people who follow God with all their hearts. We have accepted God's Grace when we have fallen short.

I thank the Lord every day that I wake up and still have a heartbeat, that I still have the ability to get up and go to work, that I smile every day at my students, and that I share my evenings with a loving Husband. My head is weary sometimes because I am still trying to control certain aspects of my life and being led astray by the darkness but I am grateful for God, who constantly finds a way to shine the light and remind me where my next step is to lead me back home.

First Week Back

Today was the first week back to school after Christmas Break. You want to talk about a crazy week; this one exemplified all expectations of that. While I love teaching and believe that this gift was from God, I struggled this week with motivation.

It wasn't that I was unmotivated to teach history. If there is one thing I love more than anything in this world, it is History. However, students are always challenging your patience, the use of new technology is overwhelming, and their lack of drive to be educate can be disappointing. History isn't everyone's cup of tea. I understood this as a high school student, just as much as being an educator. The scary/frustrating part for me is that these students don't have any passion for learning.

This week started out pretty good, Mondays are always the hardest. I was exhausted after school and found myself falling asleep while sitting on my couch at 4:30pm. Tuesday proved to be a little more challenging but I thought I survived the day intact as best as possible. The hardship came that afternoon when a student struggling with life took their frustration out on me. I handled it as best as I could and felt I made a difference as this student walked out my door.

It's extremely hard though as a teacher. I find that the only way to be a great educator is to find ways to create personal relationships with my students. I am not just a teacher as I enter those school doors every day. I become a mentor, coach, counselor, parent, advice giver, cheerleader, and so many others. For those that think education is an easy job or a fall back job, they would be wrong. You truly have to have a passion for students and the subject you teach. Without both of these passions, your success as a teacher and for your career every day, will not exist.

My students push me to my limits each day and challenge me constantly to be a better person and educator. I am proud of my students each though I struggle with their quirks and issues every day. Sometimes I have to remind myself that they are not perfect and are students! I must be the one to continuously reminding and encouraging them to be better students and people.

I am blessed with the job I have and couldn't ask for a better one, even though I question my abilities every now and then. God is constantly helping to remind me to have courage and do the job He has given me to the best of my ability. I am nothing without God.

New Beginnings

It seems crazy to think that an entire year of marriage has come and gone already. I have heard from many people over the years that the first year of marriage is the hardest and it goes by the fastest. I don't know if I really understood or took that to heart until January of this New Year 2015.

With the start of 2015 and resolutions, what better time then to announce that for an entire year (hopefully), I will be writing from time to time in this new blog. Now, mind you, I have never done something like this before and I am still working out all the kinks. So, please feel free to ridicule and laughing hysterically over the silly mistakes and lack of creativity. I am learning.

With deciding it was time to share my marriage and life in the coming year on an internet page (blog...got to get used to saying that), I am reaching out to those all around me: friend, family, stranger, random clicker, to join me on this new adventure.

So here we go......

This past year I have learned so many incredible things about myself and what it means to be married. I had an idea of what marriage would be like from playing Barbies and watching numerous "Chick Flicks" throughout my life. However, those films and toys never truly prepared me for what I would undertake when I allowed a man to share my space and life.

There were many ups and downs of 2014, crying, laughter, joy, disappointment, and everything else you could possibly imagine in between. When Kevin's and my life merged together we had to attempt to balance ourselves with the other in mind. I had to learn to share (which I am not very good at) and he had to learn to live with all of my weird and quirky habits. I won't speak directly for Kevin but I know that he has learned so much from becoming a husband. He is learning to listen, to express emotions, and to live with someone as crazy and strange as ME!

I think though the biggest moment of 2014 that Kevin and I have done is decide that we would like to begin expanding our family. After settling in the small town of Siletz, Oregon with fewer than 1,200 people and starting our jobs teaching at the small charter school in town, we moved into a four bedroom home and began to build our life.

After many talks, prayers, frustrations, and prayers again; We believed God was telling us that it was time to expand our family and begin trying for a baby. We had simply run out of excuses. We have great jobs in town, we have supportive families, we have a home we can afford and grow into, and we have local daycare less than 10 minutes away. I remember telling Kevin that I was ready to start making and family and I remember him looking at me and simply replying: "Sounds Great!" I was nervous at first wondering if this is something Kevin truly wanted but after seeing him spend more and more time with little ones in school and in our own lives, I knew his heart was feeling the same as mine. We have truly been blessed in 2014 and God had filled our hearts with each other. This year we believe He is asking us to take our love and fill the heart(s) of a new baby and/or little ones.

So, to leave this first blog post short and to the point; As the Denton's begin 2015 we are truly looking forward to the coming year and all the new blessings it will bring. As this new year begins, we ask all of you to keep us in your prayers.

---Jess