For those of you that do not, here is a little background.
As a pre-teen I noticed that I was gaining weight faster than I should have been. I also noticed that as I was developing, that I was showing different signs of puberty than most girls my age. Without going into the gruesome details, I will simply say this: I was over-developed and under-developed at the same time. I knew something was different about me and was so grateful that I could speak with my mom about this. She agreed; something wasn't adding up. The next step was going to my pediatrician: Dr Stevenson. I thank God every day that I had an amazing pediatrician who was always learning about new disorders and continued to study about modern medicine. Without him, I would never have known that I had Poly-cystic Ovarian Disorder/Syndrome (PCOS for short). I began to understand that PCOS would affect my growth and development throughout my life.
Of course PCOS, comes with many battles but specifically for me I have the following symptoms:
- Able to gain weight easily, extremely difficult to lose weight
- Facial Hair, yes it's there! I try to pluck but it loves to come back
- Acne--I was promised this would go away in my teens years but with PCOS: NOPE!
- Low Progesterone...This was my biggest fear because it can cause infertility and cancer
- Irregular Periods
- Depression
- Complete imbalance of hormones
- Minor Hair Loss (for me)
Specifically as a teenager: while my PCOS was annoying, I never hyper-focused on it. I still had a period every month (even if I didn't know exactly), and I was relatively liked by my friends and boyfriend. Yes, I won't lie; every girl struggles with their self-esteem and inner worth; myself included. But I was a happy teenager and was excited for college and the future.
Life went on...college led to my Master's Degree, which then led to meeting my husband.
Since then, life has taken a drastic shift. I have never let my PCOS define who I was going to be or what I would do with my life, however, recently this has not been true.
Having babies, has been a dream of mine for as long as I can remember. From playing baby dolls, to making up baby names, and thinking about how many children I would have. But now, as a 30 year old wife...I can say those dreams are becoming difficult to accomplish.
I have been seeing a naturopathic doctor, to help control my PCOS and balance my hormones. She understands where I am at physically and has been doing blood work to see my hormones levels, specifically to see how this has impacted my ability to get pregnant. Initially, my Progesterone was around a 5 which wasn't terrible but definitely needed to be increased. Then another test showed my levels were .5 (yes the . is there for a reason). Finally, my doctor decided to put my on Progesterone supplements. I have now been taking them for almost 6 months and my test results came back yesterday..... 2.3. Yes, you read that correctly 2.3. This means that it is possible the progesterone is not working like it should. I am not sure what else this could mean but I feel extremely discouraged.
My husband and I cannot afford IVF and surrogacy. We are teachers, that just isn't really in the cards for us. Adoption, while in theory sounds incredible may be out as well, due to finances. Do you know how much adoption costs? We do...more than we make in a lifetime as teachers. So we have really been praying and working to understand the only true way to start a family is if I can get pregnant myself without "help". I know we have been receiving minor help from the naturopath for about a year and we still have a long road to go before we rule out children, but it is discouraging and scary. Mostly, for the fact that my husband and I dream every day of children, we have even named them. I have found myself crying out to God and praying diligently for my body to somehow heal itself and for Him to open my womb. I know that God can do anything and I need to simply be patient and wait on Him, it is just so hard. Some days, I feel like I have failed; but of course am always reminded that God knows every part of who I am. I have to continue to pray and believe that He will give me the desires of my heart in His time.
I continue to rely on Jeremiah 29:11: For I know the plans I have for you...
and Psalms 62:5: Let all that I am wait quietly before God...to encourage my walk each day, especially when it is darkest.
Please continue to pray for Kevin and I as we continue this path of creating a family and for healing and understanding!
Love you all
~Jess~
